Is this thing on?

pexels-photo-64057

“Drown out the background noise and go for it.”
“Don’t worry about what people think.”
“Why would you want to do that?”
“I mean, can’t you do that here?”
“Do you have a blog you can reference for us, Mrs. Isaacs?”
“You have to do what makes you happy Steph.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to leave what makes you feel comfortable.”
“Why don’t you just stay?”
“How do you expect to afford to do that?”

Things I’ve had said to me in the last 8 months. I’ll let you guess who goes with what.

It’s really funny for me to look at it written on this screen of my laptop, why do I take it all so seriously? I mean… it’s just words. I can just cross through it and pretend like I never heard it.
… Well, that is EXACTLY what I want to do.

Let’s start over:


“Drown out the background noise and go for it.”
“Don’t worry about what people think.”
“Why would you want to do that?”
“I mean, can’t you do that here?”
“Do you have a blog you can reference for us, Mrs. Isaacs?”
“You have to do what makes you happy Steph.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to leave what makes you feel comfortable.”
“Why don’t you just stay?”
“How do you expect to afford to do that?”

And just like that, I feel like I’ve lost 10 pounds.
What about you?
What does it take for you to not feel weighed down? Figuratively, of course.
(Psst, actually think about this for a sec.)

For me, it’s making sure that I only hear the positive things people say. It’s hard, and sometimes damn near impossible.
I’ve reached a point for the first time in the last 8 months where something clicked.

I’ve always had hopes— one being that I would have the confidence to leave Indiana.
I’ve always had goals— one being that I have a constant stream of motivation to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
I’ve always had aspirations— one being to be the kind of wife that makes my husband feel like he hit the jackpot of life.

… and the list goes on and on.
However, for awhile I forgot about these hopes, goals, and aspirations.

When I graduated college and started a job that I hated.
When I started eating pizza twice a week because I was too lazy to cook or stick to a plan.
When I started hating my self-image so much that I was an absent wife.

So when I could finally lift my head up for air, I had to take my life to the Doctor.
That realization hits hard.

Stephanie, what are you doing? Who are you? What are your goals? Where do you want to be in 5 years? Why don’t you have a plan? Why don’t you even want a plan? When is the last time you talked to your mom?”

THE GUILT. ouchhhhywawa (Pronunciation: OUCH- EE- WAH-WAH)

The prescription I gave myself?

I picked up the phone and called my mom.
I started tracking my food again and put myself in the gym.
My husband and I sat down and did some planning and within 5 weeks after that first conversation we were packed up in a U-Haul. Destination Florida.

Why Florida? …. …. LOL (Why not?)

I’m not saying that I have everything figured out. I am NOT one of those people that claim to have “made it” when I haven’t even scratched the surface.

I still don’t have an ideal relationship with my body, but I am aware. I still don’t feel like I talk to my family or friends enough, but I talk to my mom, dad, and brother regularly.
I DO have a dreamboat marriage. Cheesy, I know. But slap it between two pieces of bread and grill it up because it’s the truth. Grilled cheesey marriage.

In spite of my shortcomings, I have made a move towards where I want to be. More importantly WHO I want to be.
And in the grand scheme of all of my so called “Pipe Dreams” I’m finding myself wiggling down the pipe like an inch worm. Slow and steady.

Having a blog is something I have wanted to do for a LONG time. I learned that I loved to write when I was in college, and in my post graduation depression I forgot about it like I did everything else.
Believe it or not,

I have wanted nothing more than to be completely invisible for the last year of my life.

Have you ever felt that way? Do you feel that way now?

If I could only be seen by my family and close friends that’s all I’ve wanted. Just skimming by under the radar. Secretly wishing for personal success but not having the drive to do anything about it.

I’ve thought about starting a blog for the last year and I let the anxiety about what people would think/say/not say/blah blah blah and so on stop me from creating. So badly not wanting to be seen or talked about.

You’re witnessing some of my steps out of that hole. I’m not even sure how long I’ve been in it, but I know now that I want out.

So as I build my relationship back up with the written word, I appreciate those of you who are willing to take the ride with me. I CAN’T WAIT to see where we will go.

VOILA! Pipe Dream. Inch Worm.

God Bless,

Steph

PS: If you feel that you needed to hear what you read in this post today, please share with someone else who may need to hear it too. Thank you!

 

 

 

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